Home

I stood
body wracked with pain
eyes taking in what lie beyond the glass pane.
Images foggy
with the tears that brimmed to the edges
but hadn’t spilt over
and the senses dulled and numb
by the minutes that seemed hours.
It was the same.
The same trees, the same flowers, the same vines.
The same birds, the same bees, the same butterflies.
The same sighs, the same shallow breath.

I turned away
and began the weary, slow pacing
that had marked the minutes, hours, days before.
Time forced itself in -
How long had it been?
How long would it be?
A thief to take away the pain of the moment
with the blur of the past and the uncertainty of the future,
pains a weary heart was too tired to fight.

I stood
body braced against the pain
eyes closed to what lie beyond the glass pane.
”Where are you?” I whispered.
The minutes ticked away in their own painful way, one by one,
my forehead bowing to rest against the unfeeling window
that neither held me in nor beckoned me out.
I breathed in slowly, hesitantly,
feeling the air invade my lungs,
raised my head and opened my eyes
to that same stale, unassuming sameness.

I turned away
body poised to begin its numbed pacing
but the Voice whispered, “Look again.”
I turned back
expecting what had been there again
and again
and again
as one welcomes a tolerated guest.
Eyes, too accustomed and tainted,
blinked slowly,
then blinked again.

I stood
body surrendering to the pain
eyes taking in what lie beyond the glass pane.
Images clearer
with the light that seemingly danced and played
amid the shapes and textures,
challenging and reawakening the senses,
igniting the moment frozen in time.
It was all new.
The bright yellow of the flower that swayed in the light breeze,
The striped zebra waxwing that flitted in and out of the fire-red bush,
The Carolina wren that sang out her call loud enough to pierce the manmade pane.
I breathed in deeply -
the breath of life Itself -
I was home.

Contemplation:
Have you ever experienced chronic pain?
If so, how did it change your perception of the space around you and/or your inner space?
Who or what did you turn to or reach out to during those times of pain?
Did you receive any consolation in return? In what way?
How did your experience/perception change as a result of that experience?
What is home for you? Is it a concrete space? Is it a space within you? Is it connected to relationship(s) either tangible or intangible? Does it have a spiritual dimension?

If you have not personally experienced chronic pain, is there someone you know who has?
How did it reshape your relationship with that person?
How did it reshape your own personal inner experience?