The Weight of a Word
The new year came into view and rolled in without fanfare or earth-shattering change. Like the last few New Years, I had silently vowed to not jump on the “New Year’s resolution” bandwagon, preferring to try to keep more balanced in the present moment. All was fine and good, but as life often does, I wasn’t going to get away that easily this year.
I was mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, waiting for an appointment, when a short reel came across my screen with the text “pick your word” displayed across background. I couldn’t listen to what the gal was saying, but I knew what she meant. Pick a word that will be your word for the next year. Another twist on the new year’s resolution, I thought, and promptly pushed it out of mind as my name was called.
It’s funny how our minds latch onto something despite our conscious dismissal. A few days later, I was occupied with something rather mundane and without warning, the word free sounded or was rather almost shouted from somewhere within. I paused what I was doing, curious, and yet slightly annoyed at that inner voice that obviously had something to say.
Those who know me know I tend to overthink things and am, by nature, very inquisitive. I can also be rather obstinate at times, refusing to take a good look at something that is staring me in the face. This time, I let the annoyance go, and let the word repeat itself over and over again in my mind. Why that word? What did it mean specifically for me? Free from what? Free from whom? Free to do what? The questions poured in without any answers, but they floated in and out as I went about my daily routine, challenging me to find their hidden meaning.
One of my daughters gifted me a copy of The Five Minute Journal at Christmas. I wrote in it for the first time a day or two after my word surfaced. As I was trying to think of a “daily affirmation” (definitely not the easiest thing for me to process yet), again, the words came clearly ~ “I can make decisions to be “free.” There it was ~ the clarity I was looking for. I didn’t have the answers, but I knew exactly what it could mean for me. The weight of the word hung heavy around me, but inside weight was being lifted from the dark edges and the freedom it held pierced through, showing light reflected on a clear path that beckoned with promise.
The next morning, my first thought on waking was, “What do I need to be free of today?” There it was again. As I went through the day, as struggles arose and tension built within, the nagging question “What’s blocking being “free?” begged for an answer. The following days were more of the same introspective questioning, arising from some inner voice that had decided “free” was where I needed to be. The people pleaser, fixer, rescuer, Type-A co-dependent tendencies within me where being drawn out, challenged, evaluated, and redirected in a way that was surprisingly easy compared to my past attempts to will them out of existence. Has it been a “I’ve been knocked off my horse” conversion? Not hardly, but I continue to feel the word’s weight upon me, guiding me, as well as the lightness in my heart and soul as I move into being “free.”
I almost didn’t write this piece, but it, like my word, wouldn’t let me be. So, here it is ~ a new year’s offering to you. If it inspires you, I encourage you to open your mind and heart and listen. If your inner voice chooses to reveal a word to you, I pray you are filled with all the joy and beauty that can be found in the weight of that word.
Contemplation:
Have you ever picked a word to reflect on for a period of time?
If so, what was the word? How did it impact your thinking? What did you learn from it?
If not, are you open to the idea? What might hold you back?
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Photo credit: Sarah B
